I’ve Created a Fun-ster

Here is my victim ah-Dak holding forth for a captive audience in a backstreet in Guangzhou. It moved my FUNdaMENTAList heart, I can tell you that. I was especially chuffed to hear him say (about →

The Latest Gossip

Is being a Luddite with a Mac an oxymoron? But sometimes I think that’s what I am. Here I am, trying to make Cantonese a world language – in Hong Kong! the very stronghold of →

New Recruit Looking for Fellow Revolutionaries!

Cantonese is a war and we’re going to win it. We’ll put the fun AND the mental back into “fundamentalists”! Anyway I have a new and eager recruit here by the name of Ah- … →

World Domination in Our Time

Why this photo? Found it and liked it again, innit. Anyway, the other day one of my students suggested that I set up some kind of counting device; you know, something like the count-down to →

Ten More of Us, Ten Fewer of Them

Last Saturday I started a new thing: Learn everything about Chinese characters in two hours. Ten people turned up, and when they staggered out of the venerable Honolulu Coffee Shop two hours and fifteen minutes →

Today’s Classifier: 0的

Well, it’s not really a classifier as such, because classifiers are used to classify specific things, as we’ve seen before in for example:  我有兩隻狗，(o yau leung jek gau) – I have two dogs. 0的 (di) →

It’s Official! You’re About To Leave Illiteracy Behind!

Okay, it’s official. This Saturday we’re kicking off a character-learning extravaganza like you’ve never seen; the first in a series of two hour workshops where you’ll learn everything you need to set you on the →

Character-building

Hi people. Sorry about the delay. Delay no more! Yesterday the following delightful email clattered down into my inbox: Hi Cecilie, I'd like to start learning to learn Chinese characters. What I need is a →

Word Order II: Pre, or rather post-positions

The woman is outside her house (or maybe somebody else’s house, but let’s just presume.) Straight forward, right? You know woman 女人 (leui yan), outside 出邊 (cheut bin) and house 屋企 （uk kei). But as usual, →

Oh Cradle of Cantonese – Where Did You Go?

Guangzhou has been my favourite big city in China for years, certainly after the government finished the destruction of Beijiing in the name of the sacred olympics. Two weeks ago I was there again, probably →

Don’t Prawn Me, I’m Only The Banjo Player

Two days ago I did a Sichuan dinner for 13 people, and finally cracked the secret to chilli prawns after trying for ages. I will now share the secret with you, as well as some Cantonese words, that goes without saying.

So the other times I tried to cook chilli prawns, I got the chillies frozen from Wellcome Supermarket. Big mistake.
1. They were frozen. No matter how I prepared them, they still smelled and tasted of fish, and not any good fish either. Actually, no fish is good. I hate fish. (Fish: 魚,yu.)
2. They were tiger prawns or buffalo prawns or whale prawns or some other enormous animal. Too big. The shell didn’t crisp up properly during deep-frying. (This could also be explained by reason 1. (Tiger: 老虎，lou fu))
3. I didn’t use enough chillies. Always a mistake. (Chillies: 辣椒, lat chiu – hot peppers)

So this time, because the dinner was a birthday dinner and I love the birthday girl and she loves seafood, I dragged myself to Central where I knew there were proper prawns in proper markets. I bought the ones whose bodies were the size of my thumb. They were so fresh they were kicking and screaming when the seller forced them into the bag. (Advice: Carry your own sealable container when buying live prawns. These vicious f*****s have so many sharp feet and fangs, they will fight through the bag and soak everything else and leave a big puddle on the MTR so you have to hide behind a newspaper when you get off.)

This time it worked beautifully! Crispy and glorious, they tasted almost as good as those in my favourite Sichuan restaurant in Shenzhen. Wooo hooooo! Victory!

Oh yeah, and the headline – ‘prawn’ in Cantonese (蝦, ha) also means ‘to bully someone’. Which gives me an excellent opportunity to post one of my music videos again. Banjo and Cantonese go together like chilli prawns and beer, as we know. And the classifier for 蝦, prawn？隻(jek) innit!

Now you can learn everything about crushed Asians, I mean crustaceans, and other animals, right here at Happy Jellyfish People’s Democratic Language Bureau!

Long Live Cantonese

There’s a big hullabaloo in the South China Morning Post this week. Historian Jason Wordie wrote about the so-called Third Culture Kids (born in one country, moved to Hong Kong, sent to boarding school in their home country, came back to Hong Kong to wreak havoc with the maids) that they were bratty and didn’t want to integrate into Hong Kong society.

A shit storm immediately ensued, with scores of put-upon Third Culture Kids whining to the SCMP about how “breathtakingly offensive” Wordie’s article was, how “insulted” they felt, and terrible it was of him to generalise about such a diverse group. Boo-hoo!

Some of them sniffily added that they had tried to integrate – by taking Mandarin lessons.

Really? Is Mandarin the official language of Hong Kong now?

I think it’s absurd and ridiculous for anyone to grow up in a place and not learn the local language. Nowadays that goes for many local Chinese too, who send their children to international school in Hong Kong and speak broken English with them at home. Local Chinese. Born here. Can’t speak Cantonese. Can’t go shopping in the market. Can’t communicate with their grandparents. Where else does that happen?

Wordie’s article must have struck a big nerve, judging by the wails.

P.S.

Whether you’re a new arrival to Hong Kong or a bratty Cantonese-less TCK, you can now learn Cantonese without really trying by taking a couple of crash courses from me! You’ll be able to have quite a meaningful conversation about food and drinks after only two and a half hours.

哎呀，落雨呀！Bucketing Down

Yesterday I went on a high-speed boat trip ruining my hair, but it was worth it. As soon as we got off the open boat, it started raining like – well, normal Hong Kong style. Nothing special. But going home I felt it safest to put my watch in my bag

If you’re learning Cantonese, 落雨 (Lok Yu, ‘Falling Rain’)is one of the best ways to strike up a conversation. Every time I go out in a downpour carrying a rather large umbrella, several locals helpfully tell me that it’s raining. 早晨！落雨吖！Jo San! Lok Yu Ah! (Morning! Falling Rain!) can often be the beginning of a deep and meaningful conversation about water.

When I first heard or saw 落雨 I looked up the word 落 in the dictionary and saw it meant fall. So imagine my mirth when I spotted the word on the front of a tram! 落車， (lok che) Fall Out of the Car, ha ha, excellent! Then I realised it means ‘descend, come down, get out of’ too. Oh well.

But when it rains various animals like cats, dogs and zebras, (or 落狗屎, lok gau si, Falling Dog Shit as it’s called in Cantonese) there’s only one thing to do! Play cards!

P.S.
If you want to know more about Hong Kong weather and other things, take a Cantonese course this summer! Now you can take lessons from all over the world, through the excellent medium of Skype