Don’t Prawn Me, I’m Only The Banjo Player

Two days ago I did a Sichuan dinner for 13 people, and finally cracked the secret to chilli prawns after trying for ages. I will now share the secret with you, as well as some Cantonese words, that goes without saying.

So the other times I tried to cook chilli prawns, I got the chillies frozen from Wellcome Supermarket. Big mistake.
1. They were frozen. No matter how I prepared them, they still smelled and tasted of fish, and not any good fish either. Actually, no fish is good. I hate fish. (Fish: 魚,yu.)
2. They were tiger prawns or buffalo prawns or whale prawns or some other enormous animal. Too big. The shell didn’t crisp up properly during deep-frying. (This could also be explained by reason 1. (Tiger: 老虎，lou fu))
3. I didn’t use enough chillies. Always a mistake. (Chillies: 辣椒, lat chiu – hot peppers)

So this time, because the dinner was a birthday dinner and I love the birthday girl and she loves seafood, I dragged myself to Central where I knew there were proper prawns in proper markets. I bought the ones whose bodies were the size of my thumb. They were so fresh they were kicking and screaming when the seller forced them into the bag. (Advice: Carry your own sealable container when buying live prawns. These vicious f*****s have so many sharp feet and fangs, they will fight through the bag and soak everything else and leave a big puddle on the MTR so you have to hide behind a newspaper when you get off.)

This time it worked beautifully! Crispy and glorious, they tasted almost as good as those in my favourite Sichuan restaurant in Shenzhen. Wooo hooooo! Victory!

Oh yeah, and the headline – ‘prawn’ in Cantonese (蝦, ha) also means ‘to bully someone’. Which gives me an excellent opportunity to post one of my music videos again. Banjo and Cantonese go together like chilli prawns and beer, as we know. And the classifier for 蝦, prawn？隻(jek) innit!

Now you can learn everything about crushed Asians, I mean crustaceans, and other animals, right here at Happy Jellyfish People’s Democratic Language Bureau!