Imperialistic Shit-Language

There is something about the internet that brings out the worst in people, like road rage. But also, of course, the best. People become so kind on behalf of others, on the internet. Last week, it was Mandarin that was hotly defended on my Facebook wall. I had written that Mandarin was an imperialist(ic) shit-language, and I stand by that description. Everywhere the Mandorinians invade go, they expect, nay, demand, that the local people learn their language, instead of the other way around.

If that’s not imperialist, I don’t know what is. For this I was immediately set upon by one of the kind defenders of everything so frequently found here on the internet.
“You can’t just call something shit!” she cried, as if Mandarin was a handicapped child actor or something.
“It’s not professional!” Yes, all right.
“I will no longer avail myself of the free educational podcasts you’ve put up on the internet!” Okay, a terrible threat. But still. It is a shit language.

I just didn’t have the time to explain why, but it’s quite clever and not a little deep, I think. A few months ago I put out a film called Big Brother Knows Best,

about how, when Mandarin takes over the world, there will be only one word and it is shi. One of the words pronounced SHI is of course 屎 shit. So I might as well have said it was a NEED 駛 language, a WET 濕 language, a LOSE 失 language or an EAT 食 language， or one of a thousand other words pronounced SHI. I just chose the word ‘shit’ randomly.

Incidentally, those words have five different pronunciations in Cantonese, namely si, sai, sap, sat and sek. Which makes Cantonese SO much easier to understand.

But really, I don’t think Facebook is the place to explain absolutely everything I do and think, do you?