HSBC Service Improving Every Day

Where are these people going? Could they be going to the headquarters of venerable bank HSBC, you know, The World’s Local Bank that you can only access if you live in China or Hong Kong because it doesn’t have any arrangements with any ATM providers except Union Pay?

Why, you say. Why would they be going there. Can’t they just make a call? Er, no. Not if they want to have any questions answered.

The other day I for some reason opened my electricity bill. I never do normally, for of course I have autopay. But this time I did, and bugger me senseless if it didn’t say: “URGENT Unsuccessful AutoPay, Reason not available. Please contact your bank.” Wow! Good thing I opened it, eh? I noticed the bill was also twice the amount of what it usually is. Maybe the autopay exploded.

Because the HSBC in Mui Wo for some reason is closed on Wednesdays (maybe the staff go to their self-criticism sessions that day?) I decided to call. First I had to press numbers for about 10 minutes after listening to a lengthy sermon about not giving out your PIN number under any circumstance. Any!

Then I listened to music for 23 minutes. Then this voice came on. “喂"？I said. “Only English”. OK. I explained the situation.
“What’s your bank account?”
“What? I’ve already entered it to get to a human… oh very well.” I told her.
“Just say yes or no: Do you have a six digit phone banking code?”
“No.”
“Enter your six digit phone banking code.”
“What? No! I don’t have phone banking.”
“Please enter your six digit phone banking code, followed by the…”

I realised I was talking to a machine.

So between the “only UnionPay because we’re the world’s local bank” (in all fairness there are some banks in Australia and Thailand that also have Union Pay but certainly not in for example Norway where I spent a cash-less week in May, spending half my holiday running from ATM to ATM to check) and the non-human “service” phone AND closed on Wednesdays and Saturdays, I’d say HSBC has pretty much cornered the market.

銀行 (An hong – silver trade/bank)
匯豐銀行 (Wui fong an hong – Remittance Ample Silver Trade/HSBC)
中電 (Jung din – CLP)