Fu$$ball

I never thought I would write about football here. Or anywhere. I’ve just watched England being decimated by Germany in record time and it was not a pretty sight. The commentator kept saying: “Here is Rooney” as if his words would miraculously produce a Rooney-like mirage which could also score. Alas, the Rooney has gone the way  of the … two rooneys. Or two Ronnies, I forget which.

Anyway, what I wanted to write about was that, as well as everything else like golf, football, gunpowder and the lightbulb, the Chinese also invented England!!!! You don’t believe it? How about this: England football supporters singing: “Eng Ger Laan, Eng Ger Laan, Eng Ger Laan,” (etc.) And what’s England in Cantonese?

英格蘭！ （Yeng gat laan.) But I’m starting to think we should exchange the last syllable 蘭 （laan, orchid) with 懶 (laan, lazy.)

Yeah, we were talking about it at lunch today; why don’t Eng gat laan and the others (France, Italy) crank up their game a little. Naw, they’re not hungry. They are flaccid and complacent.  They have everything they could ever want ever.

But oh, how much more fun the Germany of today was to watch than that of yesteryear! They must have put some players there who are still living in council flats, eating cup noodles. Or something. Of course I supported Yeng Gat Laan out of duty and because I happened to be in the last outpost of the British Empire, JK Club in Pui O, when the match was playing, but bloody hell –  those Germans could run fast. AND see and use an opportunity.

In fact they were so good at seeing an opportunity, you’d think the Chinese had invented them. But they only invented Yeng Gat Laan. ..