Articles from the original happyjelyfish.com website

Grooving With Non-Moustache Pete

Let me just say, any town where this is the central post office has my vote! Yesterday as we were driving and walking around downtown Mexico City, I shouted out loud with joy several times.

Thank You For Not Being An Arse

Thank you for not being an arse? That was my first reaction. Then I thought: That doesn’t make sense. Why would someone put a sign saying Thank you for not being an arse on their

SUNDAY: Finally! FINALLY!!!! My Book Online

Woo-hooo, after weeks, months and SO much hassle with the company I paid to reformat and spread my book (it’s now just in pdf exactly like the format I sent them and I had to

Do Yourself A Favour, Go To The Dentist!

I’m so afraid of the dentist, I go every four months. That sounds like a contradiction and a half, but it’s true. Going every four months gives me peace of mind and no cavities. (Also,

Bureaucrats Will Be The Death Of Me

This morning, as most mornings, I went to the beach with my trusty dogs Koldbrann and Lasi. It was raining vigorously, a phenomenon not uncommon in Hong Kong and southern China. Rain is water, water

It’s Beer O’Clock But Where Is The Good Beer?

I’m running a series on Facebook called Beer Is Beautiful, largely featuring this woman and her associates. And other people I know. The other day I tried ‘beer is beautiful’ in Cantonese in Honolulu Coffee

When Life Gets You Down, Shoot A Film

Sometimes I’m tempted to give up the whole Cantonese thing. I mean, what’s the point? The Mando behemoth is going to roll Hong Kong and the Cantonese-speaking world into the ground and pour concrete on

Completely Lost In A Strange City Without Knowing A Word Of The Language

This is the very first photo I had taken of myself in China (a Chelfie?) in 1988. It was in the then famous silk market, no doubt demolished now, and the guy was probably some

SUNDAY: I’m Sorry To Say, Chinese and Western Food Cooking Shall Never Meet

Is it racist to say that Chinese people in China aren’t great at making Western food? That is my experience anyway. And that experience is now almost 28 years. Wow! Not that I have eaten

SUNDAY

Last night I went to a party that turned into something of a name-dropping fest. People had met Lady Gaga, various representatives of the Hong kong government, etc. I thought: Lady Gaga has a job

Back By Popular Demand: Classifiers

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Photo: 四個靚女 (sei go leeng loy, 4 beautiful girls)

Classifiers, measure words, counting words, whatever you want to call them, they are a vital feature of Cantonese. Here you can learn some of them through the medium of song:

See if you can pick out the classifiers to these things from the song:

一個朋友 One friend
兩隻狗 two dogs
三隻蝨 three lice
四個仔 four sons
五隻雞 five chickens
六支筆 six pens
七條魚 seven fish
八張檯(枱) eight tables
九個袋 nine bags
十本書 ten books

But good news: You really can use 個 (goh, “piece of”) for everything! Everyone will understand. Still, learn this song by heart and you won’t have to worry much about classifiers. If you want the lyrics, sound and Chinese characters, just contact me.

Author’s Plight

酒! Jau! Wine! As they call it. It’s actually a deadly spirit so vile that it should only be used for paint stripping and permanently disfiguring your enemies. Strangely, the (mainland) Chinese drink it with

Even More About That 嗰!

The New China Bookshop in Guangzhou, or actually, the New China Bookshop in general, is a real treasure trove. Look what I found there last weekend, a map of Mexico with all the towns and

Girlie Morning in Nature

Are spiders actually really stupid? I mean they can spin these beautiful webs, masterpieces of engineering and all that, but are they a bit dim all the same? This morning I had the first proper

More About That! 嗰

嗰個人係四川人 (go go yan hai Sei Chyun yan – that piece person is Four River person, that person is from Sichuan) 嗰個人 (go go yan – that piece person). That should be pretty plain sailing

That! 嗰個!

Here’s a word, short, unassuming, that often creates trouble for my clients (“victims”). It’s 嗰 (go – that.) Now, the word this is never a problem for any of my clients. It’s all 呢個(li go

飲茶 The Civilised Lunch

I’ve just travelled 25 minutes there and 25 back just to eat. What, didn’t I have perfectly good ingredients for Sichuan food in my fridge? you ask. Yes, of course. But no matter how good

Train! 火車!

One of the most wonderful of many wonderful things about mainland China is the train. Last weekend we went to Guangzhou for some r and r and it was good, but the best thing was

Its Name Was Amber, It Was A Vomit…

Do you see that lake? That was a green and throbbing grassland only yesterday. Surely this must be an amber rainstorm? 黃色暴雨 (wong sek bou yu – yellow colour violent rain)(That’s right! The surname Wong

Transformation Continues on All Levels 2

Is Cantonese dying? Last weekend’s visit to Guangzhou was quite depressing in many ways. It’s nothing new that people from all over China migrate to Guangdong province, especially Shenzhen and Guangzhou, to make something of

Transformation Continues On All Levels 1

Guangzhou used to be my favourite city with its leafy streets, car-less alleys and languidly flowing river whose name, Pearl, also gave itself to an excellent beer, 珠江啤酒 (jyu gong beh jau – Pearl River

New Book on the Block

Hallo, hallo, everybody everywhere. My new book is finally being published and you are invited to the launch. As well as beer and books for sale, there is also my new DVD ‘Going Native’ which

CantoNews Live From Oi Kwan Hotel

Oh Cassette! Two weeks ago we went up to Guangzhou to see him live in his stand-up glory at a place called… Panda something? No! Paddyfield, an Irish pub right behind the Garden Hotel. Cassette

Wetlands Lament

Above: BEFORE. Halcyon days of yore, etc. A part of the interlinked Pui O wetlands in 2012. A lovely, lush vista scattered with grazing water buffalo, egrets, starlings and other creatures, even fish have seen

New Programme on Radio Lantau

IMPORTANT!!! When you click on the link, scroll down to the alphabetical archive and click on C. Then you’ll see both my programmes. This isn’t strictly about Cantonese and it certainly isn’t about me, but

Bye, Bye, Column

All good things come to an end, apparently. Even life! Yes, compared to dying, losing a twice-monthly column in an increasingly obscure Asian newspaper is certainly a small thing. But oh! I loved that column.

CantoNews2 – now with airplanes!

It’s up and running on Radio Lantau – CantoNews 2! The sequel! No, just the second programme in Cecilie and Nick’s Cantonese course, the finest course currently available on cassette. http://radiolantau.com/programme-archive/cantonews/C/7-cecilie-gamst-berg/4-cantonews/60-cantonews-2 This time we discuss

Careful What You Wish For

I must write about Lantau again, because yesterday I interviewed Merrin Pearse, the leader of LIM (Living Islands Movement) whose introduction to the government’s “vision” for Lantau’s and therefore the people of Hong Kong’s future

Dinner With Supermodels

Saturday night my house was flooded with what at first glance looked like supermodels. 15 young people in their twenties and early thirties stampeded in to have a Sichuan meal, carefully cooked with the finest

WHAT????

Last Friday I was so happy, because I had a trip to Shenzhen all lined up. Probably only a day trip, but still! Shenzhen is Shenzhen. Sichuan food, having some shirts made and foot massage.

Mandarin Schmandarin

Last month I was feeling a little down in the dumps; I felt that life was a cruel joke and nothing was going my way. For a while I didn’t even have that old chestnut,

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