People’s Republic of Chai Na

拆 －CHAI. The ugliest word in the Chinese language. (Cantonese: Chaak) It means Knock Down. Demolish. Tear Apart. Chinese people joke about living in 拆拿， Chai Na, Knock Down and Take.

When I went to Shanghai last week for the first time in at least 15 years, I feared the worst. I thought there would be no hovelage, no Dickensian warrens in which to get lost. Last time I was there for a day or so, the person I was with insisted on dragging me to Hard Rock Cafe, and all I remember was Big City China tackiness.

I was therefore pleasantly surprised to find a lot of good hovelage in walking distance from the hotel, and wasted no time diving into it.

But wait: …

It was chai, chai, chai as far as the eye could see. Which wasn’t very far, in the foggy soup. (We think HK is polluted! Ha bloody ha.) So it was another walk tinged with sadness in one of China’s formerly great cities.

And the sun set on corrupt property tycoons, Expo-mongers, police chiefs and communist party members.

(One of whom, incidentally, massaged my feet the next day! Badly. A membership is no guarantee of competence, that’s for sure. Rather the opposite. )

Cabin Fever

Rain, rain and I’m stuck in my office writing a book. I like books, I like writing, but I don’t like being stuck! In times like these, my thoughts inevitably turn to travelling, especially thundering →

Shark Flu

Recently I’ve been down with a quite incredibly awful flu! Forget about swine and bird, this was a total shark flu. The worst thing is its impact on the brain. I forgot where I lived, →

All Aboard the Harmonious Forgiven Train

Ahh! Back from another trip to my ancestral home, Guangdong province, cradle of Cantonese language and civilisation. The government must have been working overtime the last month, or since I was there last, to drum →

Swine Flu – Only Hong Kong Supports It

I’m going back to those scraggy crags today! Now you can come too. Just click on China Tours and you’re there!

Did you know that “Good Friday” is called “Jesus experiences difficulties festival” (耶穌受難節）（ye sou sao laan jit) in Chinese? I bet you didn’t. But now you know, and by going on an Easter trip with →

Come with! Come with!

Learn All the Mando You Need in One Day!!!

Are you going into mainland China on a tour (with me for example), travelling for business or going there anyway? Even if you’re driven around by a personal guide, waited on hand and foot by →

Cantonese, Beauty, Great Food … all a short bus ride away

Why fiddle around with airport security, hours in taxis to and from airports, being in a place with only other tourists and leaving gigantic carbon footprints every time you go even on a weekend trip →

New Service! Tour to Beat All Tours!

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Beer Then Wine, You’ll Be Fine, Wine Then Beer Makes You Queer

everybody knows that. But how about beer, then wine, (Moet Et Chandon, saved since June 7th, thank you Teng and Lok!) then beer, then more beer and some beer? Queer is not a good →

Nipple Alert! (Guangdong Adventure Trips)

四會 (Sei Wui – Four Congregations, small but excellent town in western Guangdong province) 白酒 (Bak jau – White wine, which in Hong Kong actually means white wine, but in the mainland a lethal liquid →

SUNDAY – Go Home! 返屋企

Last night I started watching the third season of Orange Is The New Black, an American show about life in a women’s prison. The first two seasons were pretty riveting in a ‘far too many →

好忙呀！ Busy!

I’m cooking for eight people tonight and I’m really looking forward to it. I will make Beer O’Clock Dumplings, Chicken a la Water Buffalo and Kung Fu Cucumbers, – among other things. Five other things, →

Don’t Leave Me!

This morning I had some people from my village coming over for a dose of Cantonese, and since it was raining dog shit (落狗屎 – lok gau si [raining heavily]) we discussed the weather, well, →

Upgrading Site

You can’t see it yet but my website is being refurbished. The first thing I want to change is the cover of the Cantonese teaching videos Cantonese – The Movie and Going Native (see above). →

NOKIA I Praise Thee Again

(Of course the phone the geezer in the photo isn’t talking on a Nokia while… resting? but it’s definitely some kind of phone.) But Nokia: Yesterday a guy driving through Pui O gave me a →

Our Series Unusual Gifts

In our popular series Unusual Gifts we proudly present Sungflower Fream. What is this sungflower fream, you may ask? Why, it’s of course a notebook! The day my friend Jo gave me this gift, I →

Torture Chamber Of Death

A couple of weekends ago I had the privilege of going to Guangzhou with three fun people: F, J and AW. The following debacle ensued. (See article below) What didn’t make it into the piece →

SUNDAY

Last night I went to a party that turned into something of a name-dropping fest. People had met Lady Gaga, various representatives of the Hong kong government, etc. I thought: Lady Gaga has a job →

Camels Aweigh!

Camels, what’s not to like? They are haughty but kindly, patient but laconic. They understand human nature, then spit on it. In Dunhuang, an oasis town between the Gobi and Taklamakan deserts, there are camels →