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Its Name Was Amber, It Was A Vomit…

Do you see that lake? That was a green and throbbing grassland only yesterday. Surely this must be an amber rainstorm? 黃色暴雨 (wong sek bou yu – yellow colour violent rain)(That’s right! The surname Wong means yellow!). Or maybe 黑色暴雨 (hak sek bou yu – black colour violent rain)? Whatever it is, I hope it’ll jolly well stop soon as I have to do some laundry and my washing machine is on the roof, running on electricity…

Talking of amber, on my last birthday (or I should say latest birthday; I really don’t want to die yet) I received an interesting and rather unusual present: Whale vomit! Also known as ambergris! I had never heard of ambergris (grey amber) but now I know everything about how the whales puke all over the world (but in the sea) and this stuff kind of drifts along for years until someone finds it and uses it in perfume. Except now people mostly use synthetic stuff, as they probably got tired of waiting for whales to vomit.

When I opened the package I just saw the letters BERG and thought ‘that’s nice! My surname’. But when I realised it was part of amBERGris and that it was the whale that had inspired my kind friend to hunt down the vomit. Because Norwegian – whale, right? Whale meat tastes great, by the way. Almost as great as ambergris smells.

鯨魚 (keng yu – whale fish)(I know, I know. Mammal.)
灰色 (fui sek – ash colour (grey))
嘔 (au – puke)

and finally, the word you’ve always wanted to know: Ambergris! 龍涎香！(long yin heung – Dragon Spittle Fragrance)

Quite frankly I think you ought to take Cantonese lessons from me. Then you can not only learn Cantonese (a skill which will transform your life in Hong Kong and not only in a bad way) but also meet the kind of people that give whale vomit as gifts. Your life will be the richer for it.

Ordeal of the Year

In January, okay, I admit it, I waited until the first week of February, came my annual ordeal: The visit to the vet.

Why ordeal? It’s just some injections, and they’re not even on me. But my dog Koldbrann, well, he seems not to be a fan of injections. He loves the vet and the vettery! Oh yeah. But when it comes to the actual injections, it all turns to shit.

This year I did everything according to my hero Cesar Millan’s instructions.

First I made Koldbrann enjoy putting on the muzzle by feeding him treats and brushing his ginga coat with the muzzle on, to the point that when he saw the muzzle he put his face into it. So far so good.

Then I started going around the vettery and make the vet give him treats, only to leave again without incident. On the day of the appointment I first took him on a long walk and then gave him quite a big feed. I put on the muzzle and brushed him until he was relaxed and then put on a dog “lampshade” for extra vet protection. I told myself “calm and assertive, calm and assertive” and did some deep breathing. Then we set off for the vet’s.

Once there, Koldbrann started scoffing down treats inside the muzzle, not 100% calm but sitting down. “Jab in the needle, quick!” I hissed. The vet hesitated. And with that, all was lost. Koldbrann threw himself frantically against the door trying to break through the glass. Who knew he was as tall as me? The vet assistant leapt to the rescue, to not much avail. I knew from bitter experience how strong he was, but not that he could rip through reinforced glass using only his paws. Fortunately Koldbrann has this tube neck, and by strangling him with his own neck the assistant and I managed to hold him still long enough for the vet to do her work. Afterwards all four of us collapsed in a heap.

Of course my other dog, Lasi, just stood there, shaking lightly, and let herself be injected.

I think it’s better that the dog shakes than that the vet does. But what do I care? 12 months till next time!

打針 － da jam (hit needle/have an injection)
獸醫 – sau yi (beast doctor/veterinarian)
狗仔 – gau tsai (dog-ette/doggie, puppy)

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