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NOKIA I Praise Thee Again
(Of course the phone the geezer in the photo isn’t talking on a Nokia while… resting? but it’s definitely some kind of phone.)
But Nokia: Yesterday a guy driving through Pui O gave me a lift – in the taxi he was a passenger in! I noticed he had a Samsung that was just a phone. There was no camera, no valet service, No app, no bap, no big-screen TV, no table legs that would turn it into an ironing board and no umbrella.
I showed him my Nokia from 2006 and he was jealous. Jealous! Hear that, all you people who have been calling me Luddite and asking if I cooked food on an open fire which I start by rubbing two sticks together? As much as I’d actually love to have the very useful skill of being able to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, I don’t think you need an ever-larger TV-like object in my handbag, trackable 24 hours a day, to live in the modern world.
Two weeks ago, I dropped my Nokia into the toilet in mid-flush. Yes, accidentally! It was in my pocket. If it had been an iPhone it would have meant instant graveyard. Me, I calmly took the phone apart and put it in a container of rice. The next day it worked fine… but I couldn’t get a signal. Oh no, was old Nok pretending to be an iPhone?
I had to remove the cover from my daily, Hong Kong Nokia and put it on the body of my mainland Nokia, resigning myself to buying a new phone for mainland use.
A few days later I actually went to the mainland and now the mainland Nokia worked fine. It had only needed some time to get over the shock of the swirling depths. Nokia wins again! Unfortunately I had already bought a new one. But I hope I’ll never have to use it. It has a phone.
手提 (sau tai – handheld [mobile])
廁所 (chi so – toilet)
火 (fo – fire, flame)
大陸 (daai luk – Mainland)
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SUNDAY: Lay Down My Weary, Oily Load
Last night I cooked for eight people, Sichuan food naturally. Now I’ve got the mother of all washings-up to grapple with. Cooking for eight people is three days’ work altogether and the dish-washing is pretty →
It’s Beer O’Clock But Where Is The Good Beer?
I’m running a series on Facebook called Beer Is Beautiful, largely featuring this woman and her associates. And other people I know. The other day I tried ‘beer is beautiful’ in Cantonese in Honolulu Coffee →
When Life Gets You Down, Shoot A Film
Sometimes I’m tempted to give up the whole Cantonese thing. I mean, what’s the point? The Mando behemoth is going to roll Hong Kong and the Cantonese-speaking world into the ground and pour concrete on →
Completely Lost In A Strange City Without Knowing A Word Of The Language
This is the very first photo I had taken of myself in China (a Chelfie?) in 1988. It was in the then famous silk market, no doubt demolished now, and the guy was probably some →
Beer Then Wine, You’ll Be Fine, Wine Then Beer Makes You Queer
everybody knows that. But how about beer, then wine, (Moet Et Chandon, saved since June 7th, thank you Teng and Lok!) then beer, then more beer and some beer? Queer is not a good →
Upgrading Site
You can’t see it yet but my website is being refurbished. The first thing I want to change is the cover of the Cantonese teaching videos Cantonese – The Movie and Going Native (see above). →
NOKIA I Praise Thee Again
(Of course the phone the geezer in the photo isn’t talking on a Nokia while… resting? but it’s definitely some kind of phone.) But Nokia: Yesterday a guy driving through Pui O gave me a →
SUNDAY
Last night I went to a party that turned into something of a name-dropping fest. People had met Lady Gaga, various representatives of the Hong kong government, etc. I thought: Lady Gaga has a job →
Möre About Bööks 書
In all the (sad lack of) hullaballooooo about publishing my latest book online, I completely forgot I have published two books before. For the Cantonese learner and perhaps other people interested in China, Don’t Joke →
Last HAVE! For now
I just thought I’d get in some product placement before lunchtime! To which you’d probably respond: 你有冇攪錯呀！(Lei yau mou gaau cho ah – you must be joking!) That’s right, there is no ‘have’ or ‘not →
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American Odyssey
It’s a while ago now but I suddenly remembered I spent a month in the USA this summer, doing the Canto thing of course:
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New Website – New Instruction Videos! (Well. New Covers, Anyway)
If you’re unfortunate enough to live outside Hong Kong and can’t take Cantonese lessons from, er, moi, there’s no need to despair! Now you can have a mini-Cantonese fundamentalist right in your living room. Fun, →
The Last Time I’ll Mention “Cold” (Mad River Swimming)
So people are going in search of ice on which to seriously hurt themselves and icicles to photograph in astonishment. Yes it was 3C this morning. Not boiling, I’ll admit. But imagine going out this →
SUNDAY: “Cold”
Hong Kong is in a frost frenzy! The temperature has crept below 10C – the temperature in my living room, that is – and everyone is busy posting, of all things, screen shots of their →
The Imperialism Continues
The Mandofication continues at breakneck speed. I’m sure the “great” idea of making Hong Kong simplified character-ised to “adapt” and accommodate the 700,000 mainlanders currently living here so they’ll feel more at home, has already →
New Website!!!!
I’ve finally got my new website up. According to my web guy, it will help sell my two Cantonese teaching videos Cantonese – The Movie and Going Native. I have just watched those two videos →
SUNDAY: New Year New Everything
Behold the new cover to my Cantonese teaching video Cantonese – The Movie! I’m just waiting for my web guy to change the covers that are there now (for you can click on them and →
Reasons To Learn Cantonese
Behold one of my students, 五天 (- M Tin, Five Heavens)! He is doing everything right; practising every day, doing language exchange with locals and learning characters. Here he is in the middle of showing →
Screen Grab
No one can call me a Luddite anymore! Only 7,000 years after the invention of the computer I’m doing screen grabbing! I’m looking through my two Cantonese teaching videos Cantonese – The Movie and Going →
CantoNews For Everybody
My life goal is full global supremacy for Cantonese and I stand by it. However, that doesn’t mean that other languages can’t frolic happily alongside this most fun and happening of all tongues. Also, it →
Back In The Filming Saddle! (Camera Dies During Filming of Mexican Wedding)
Woo-hooo. My last message was pretty depressed. I talked about how I have the least job satisfaction in the entire world, yea, even less than people whose job is warning people about the dangers of →
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Bunk Demythed! I Mean Myth Debunked!
Last weekend a group of three ecstatic revellers hopped on the ferry to Jung Saan (Zhongshan) and got straight in a taxi at the ferry pier and darted into the hinterland. In the lovely, slightly →
Guangdong Province! The Best Province with the Best People. It’s Yuge!
Guangdong is the best province in China, and not because of Cantonese! It’s got the friendliest people and the best hovelage. And today I’m off to savour her charms again! I just thought I’d share →
CantoNews 8!!! Live from Garden Cafe (With Sandwiches)
What does this photo of an excellent and ridiculously inexpensive haircut have to do with CantoNews? Nothing! I just like it. In this segment, the venerable Cassette and I visit the Garden Cafe in Pui →
Wild Shenzhen Extravaganza
I always have a good time in Shenzhen’s famed Lo Wu Shopping Centre, even after several hours of “missy missy looking, you buy sunglass okay.” Still, I could really do with less nagging. My student →
Different For Chinese
As I was looking through my old columns from South China Morning Post trying to get some other newspaper gigs (do newspapers even exist anymore?) I found the above story from Norway. Allowed only 450 →
Last Column
Yesterday I had an email from a … person, who said: “I sobbed vehemently when I saw your last Sunday Morning Post entry had come and gone.” Me too, mate, me too. Except I didn’t →
Happy Hong Kong Celebration of the Glorious Return to the Motherland Day Extravaganza!
July 1st! July 1st! That day in year zero for Hong Kong, 1997, it was rather wet. OK, it torrentially bucketed down for about three weeks before and after that momentous day. Coincidence? I think →
Beautiful Day On “Dark” Side
It’s so much fun to have friends visiting Hong Kong, especially when the day they arrive kicks off a week of unprecedented beautiful weather! I shouldn’t say unprecedented; the weather was probably like this every →
How Now, Guangdong Prov?
I’m just about to write my last column ever for South China Morning Post; ever! When I was told the page would be discontinued, I was so sad. How now would I be able to →
CantoNews 5 Live From Roof!
Hello everybody, welcome to my roof! I normally arrange Sichuan dinners and lunches there, but this time it doubled as a recording studio for the best Cantonese news currently available on cassette! (And telex.) Talking →
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