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Morris Lets Norway off Hook
As a Norwegian, I’m more than used to certain nationalities using “Norway” as “the weirdest, most bizarre thing you can think of”, in books, articles and speech. Whenever I say where I’m from, out comes →
Last Word About the Worst Flu Ever.
Have you had it? Who hasn’t? Shitty province. But I kind of love it!
Culture Cracks
Most of my live Cantonese sessions are done in the venerable Honolulu Coffee and Cake Shop, one of the last proper cha chanteng in Central. The last venue (see film above), whose name I can’t →
Dinner With Supermodels
Saturday night my house was flooded with what at first glance looked like supermodels. 15 young people in their twenties and early thirties stampeded in to have a Sichuan meal, carefully cooked with the finest →
Siu Heng! 肇慶
In the column below I bemoan the fact that my first Inner Guangdong town, (where I coined the phrase ‘hovelage’ – excellent traditional Chinese architecture made to last but a little careworn) has become a →
Cantonese World Supremacy!
Ever since my friend suggested I should teach Mandarin (NEVER!!! Down with simplified characters and cultural imperialism!) new Cantonese students have been pouring in. There was something about making a decision, having a goal in →
WHAT????
Last Friday I was so happy, because I had a trip to Shenzhen all lined up. Probably only a day trip, but still! Shenzhen is Shenzhen. Sichuan food, having some shirts made and foot massage. →
I’m a Devil Hag and Proud of it
Are you a woman? Caucasian or Caucasian with benefits? Do you live in Hong Kong? Then you may have referred to yourself at some point as “Gwailou”. Guess what, you’re not. Only men can be →
Mandarin Schmandarin
Last month I was feeling a little down in the dumps; I felt that life was a cruel joke and nothing was going my way. For a while I didn’t even have that old chestnut, →
Miyakojima! 宮古島
The mainland is all well and good, in fact better than well and certainly better than good, but there other countries around here. Japan for example. Not that this tiny island that’s much closer to →
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I Spake Too Soon About Market
Ha ha! I laughed bitterly yesterday when I had to go to FUSION to buy some toilet paper or whatever. I remember when the melody in the story above irritated me. And not only me, →
New Podcast For Beginners! CantoNews 2
Woo-hoooo! Everybody everywhere! Now you can learn Cantonese absolutely free with the help of Lantau people. Although the Lantau podcasts CantoNews are strictly for and by Lantau people – what the hell, anyone can listen! →
Finally!!!! CantoNews, Cantonese Podcast For Lantau People, By Lantau People!
Woo-hoo! Finally there’s a podcast dealing only with Lantau issues, made by Lantau people like Carina (ah-Lin) (above) Rudolf (ah-Dak) and Tony (ah-Lei). OK, I admit it. I was planning on podcasts of five minutes →
Sichuan Province, Sichuan Food
Here’s a gaff in my favourite village in all of China, Chuanxing 川興 (Chuen Heng) near famous satellite centre Xichang 西昌 (Sai Cheung) where the moon is rounder and brighter than in the rest of →
SUNDAY: Reasons to Learn Cantonese #11
The other day I made a list of the ten most important reasons, off the top of my head, to learn Cantonese. Yesterday I found another one. I am a Luddite whose phone, a Nokia →
Devil Festival!
What a night! Friday October 30th in Lan Kwai Fong, squeezed by hordes but in a mostly good way. We went out on a mission to spread the word of Cantonese, by force if necessary, →
Vexed No More!
This is the kind of joke I like. Clean, but not without teeth! Talking about vexed – the word for angry in Cantonese is 嬲 (lao). The character shows one woman between two men, so →
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Nipple Alert! (Guangdong Adventure Trips)
四會 (Sei Wui – Four Congregations, small but excellent town in western Guangdong province)
白酒 (Bak jau – White wine, which in Hong Kong actually means white wine, but in the mainland a lethal liquid from hell)
酒吧 (Jau ba – alcohol bar)
Oh, I want to go to a youth discotheque! With or without nipples, I don’t mind. Bueller? Bueller?
Here is more stuff from Guangdong:
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10 Reasons To Learn Cantonese
Happy Jellyfish People’s Democratic Language Bureau: The only Cantonese course in town where the tea cups match your outfit Why learn Cantonese? 1. It’s FUN! 2. It’s the local language of Hong Kong and it’s →
Documentaries
The last few days I’ve been trying to catalogue my films. When I say “trying to catalogue” I mean “watching Breaking Bad to get ideas for angles, film techniques etc”. Breaking Bad – it’s really →
Nightmare or Living Hell?
Sometimes you (or some people) do things only because it feels so good when you stop. Bashing your head against a wall is one of those things. Moon Trekker (running around or across or round →
Deep-Felt Advice From The Arse
I’ve just come back from a rather brilliant yam cha at Holly Restaurant in 東涌 (“Tung” [Dung] Chung), followed by shopping for tomorrow’s Dinner For Spares. (Yes I’ve started a new scheme: Come as you →
Scary As! Watch At Your Own Risk
I had forgotten how much I like making films, and how those I cast in the various roles grow to hate go on to mega-stardom. Take one of the girls in this Halloween-themed film for →
Why Move?
USA! A land of Christmas and interestingly decorated cafés. A land of truck stops and rolling hills, big roads, big cars and big trolleys for people who are too fat to walk. The first time →
Bored No More
FINALLY! I had had absolutely no yam cha (afternoon tea and dim sum) since September 14 and was starting to see double. Although I had plenty of deep-fried, comforting Southern food on my blaze-through of →
Hong Kong, my Hong Kong
I’ve been home a week, and Mexico is merely a dream again. Only the photos and a couple of excellent fridge magnet plus a beautiful pendant I got from a real Mexican girl, remind me →
SUNDAY: Liberty Airport, Newark
People! I can’t recommend Newark Airport enough! A mere 20 minute drive from downtown Manhattan, (or 12 hours’ drive from Shaker Village Kentucky as the case may be) is this place where, unlike JFK and →
Back Again So Soon?
I can’t believe I’m home again! The two weeks in Mexico and the US seemed like two months because there was so much happening, and everything mine eyes looked upon I saw for the first →
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Ahhhrghhhh! So Sorry Sorry Sorry I Haven’t Said This Before!
Well, I haven’t not said it before but only to a handful of people: if you’re a student of mine studying at the hallowed halls of Honolulu or just want to go to legendary Honolulu Coffee and Cake Shop anyway for some coffee or cake (or both. Or a duck)
whatever you do, don’t take a taxi to Stanley street! Two days ago my student tried to go from Tai Gu (“Koo”) to Stanley street by taxi. It took him more than an hour!
It was because he said “Stanley street”. The driver will then go through the most heavily trafficked area of Wan Chai and down Queen’s Road, which takes half an hour in itself, before it wings its way up D’Aguilar street and the over-packed Stanley street. Madness!
No, what you have to do is tell the driver to go to The Centre. 中環中心 (Jung Wan Jung Sam – Central Centre). That way he’ll go down Connaught Rd and through a couple of tunnels, taking you up Jubilee street from whose corner you can easily dash up to Honolulu under the escalator.
I’m so sorry! I should have told everybody the first day we met. Consider me self-chastised.
士丹利街 (Si dan lei gai – Stanley street)
檀島咖啡餅店 (Tan Dou Gafe Beng Dim – Honolulu Coffee and Cake Shop)
太古 (Tai Gu – Tai “Koo”, Swire)
干諾道 (Gon Lohk Dou – Connaught Road)
大道中 (Daai Dou Jung – Queen’s Road Central)
Contact us today
Email info@learncantonese.com.hk
to find out how you can start learning Cantonese.