My Groove! My Groove! Why Are You Forsaking Me?

Last week I received some shocking news: My banjo teacher is leaving. What??? Now that everything was going so well? Not only do we do the old-fashioned and also modern thing of bartering skills; I →

哎呀，落雨呀！Bucketing Down

Yesterday I went on a high-speed boat trip ruining my hair, but it was worth it. As soon as we got off the open boat, it started raining like – well, normal Hong Kong style. →

Consistent Service

I’ve almost given up going to restaurants in Hong Kong. I find the food tasteless, the chefs complacent. But there’s one place right here in throbbing metropolis Mui Wo, the venerable Rome Restaurant, that I →

Neighbour In The Middle of Nowhere

It was cold, foggy and not without drizzle, yet we were glad to be up so early and by ourselves at this Trollveggen that I had heard so much about but never visited. It looked →

Long Live Cantonese

There’s a big hullabaloo in the South China Morning Post this week. Historian Jason Wordie wrote about the so-called Third Culture Kids (born in one country, moved to Hong Kong, sent to boarding school in →

Taxing, Vexing Taxis

As any newcomer to Hong Kong trying to get a handle on the local language can attest to, taxi drivers are excellent language teachers. At the same time, they can also get very angry if →

Local Uncle Writes Own Language Wrong!!!!!

I have just (“just” meaning three weeks ago) come back from Norway, and while I was there I sent various postcards, among them to an uncle in my village. What, your uncle lives in your →

Change

I needed an excuse to publish this photo. It was taken in Shenzhen (naturally) in what used to be an excellent little forest just across the square from the train station but which is now →

New Music Video

Ah, young love. It is splendid. ‘taller than’ is 高過 (gou go) whereas just ‘taller’ is 高啲 (gou di)。Could it be any easier?

Have You Ever Been To?

While writing about 墨西哥 (Mak Sai Go – Mexico) the other day, I started thinking about other countries I absolutely must go to.

The first one on my list is, naturally, North Korea 北韓 (Bak Hon). Well, I have been there before, technically. One day in 2007 I stood with one foot in China and one in North Korea, feeling damned proud of myself and wondering if there were soldiers in the nearby shrubbery with AK 47s trained on me. But it looks pretty peaceful in the photo above. That’s right, on the other side of that river, that’s North Korea.

Looks a little shabbier close up.

Have you ever been to North Korea? 你有冇去過北韓呀？ (lei yao mou heui go Bak Hon ah? – You have/haven’t go [in the] past [to] North Korea ah?)

Other countries I absolutely must be in before long:

南非 (Laam Fei – South Africa)
以色列 (Yi Sek Lit – Israel)
哥倫比亞 (Go Leun Bei Ah – Colombia)
古巴 (Gu Ba – Cuba)

For now! I just feel that time is running out. Not only because I’m old, but because I think the world is heading for a major meltdown and no one will be able to go anywhere. Cheers! 飲杯 (yam bui! Drink Cup!)

SUNDAY: New Year New Everything

Behold the new cover to my Cantonese teaching video Cantonese – The Movie! I’m just waiting for my web guy to change the covers that are there now (for you can click on them and upload the whole video in the twinkling of an eye so I don’t think I should mess with them) and then we’re good to go. Also I’m starting a new website – watch this space! Meanwhile I’ve had a lot of fun with my brand new knowledge: Screen shots.

In this video you’ll learn all the basics of Cantonese, how to solve the problem of there not being any Yes or No in Chinese, how to count to 10 (and therefore any number) how to visit a whorehouse (don’t worry – no nudity or profanity! That’s in the video for Level 2 Cantonese, Going Native…) and in general how to navigate the Canto-speaking world with ease.

The one thing my Level 1 course can’t help you with, unfortunately, is to make Hong Kong people answer you in Cantonese when you address them in their own language. But if you contact me on this site, I can give you tips and advice. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Rule number 1: Don’t be “kind”! Deferring to people and switching to English because they want you to won’t teach you a single word of Cantonese. You have to stand your ground – even if it’s for your own detriment, for example that it takes 3 seconds longer to carry out whatever transaction that you’re engaged in…

More tomorrow!

教 – gau (teach)
好玩 – hou waan (fun)
答 －dap (answer)

Bonus: In a Whorehouse

In The Market for Grooviness

Here is an excellent way to practise and learn more Cantonese: Going to the market with your very own Happy Jellyfish People’s Democratic Language Bureau. This is how it works: First we sit down with →

Chinese New Year Looms

Am I the only one who thinks there are too many holidays in Hong Kong? I feel I’ve just come back from my Christmas trip – BOOM! Another big holiday immediately heaves into view. I →

New Website – New Instruction Videos! (Well. New Covers, Anyway)

If you’re unfortunate enough to live outside Hong Kong and can’t take Cantonese lessons from, er, moi, there’s no need to despair! Now you can have a mini-Cantonese fundamentalist right in your living room. Fun, →

The Last Time I’ll Mention “Cold” (Mad River Swimming)

So people are going in search of ice on which to seriously hurt themselves and icicles to photograph in astonishment. Yes it was 3C this morning. Not boiling, I’ll admit. But imagine going out this →

SUNDAY: “Cold”

Hong Kong is in a frost frenzy! The temperature has crept below 10C – the temperature in my living room, that is – and everyone is busy posting, of all things, screen shots of their →

The Imperialism Continues

The Mandofication continues at breakneck speed. I’m sure the “great” idea of making Hong Kong simplified character-ised to “adapt” and accommodate the 700,000 mainlanders currently living here so they’ll feel more at home, has already →

New Website!!!!

I’ve finally got my new website up. According to my web guy, it will help sell my two Cantonese teaching videos Cantonese – The Movie and Going Native. I have just watched those two videos →

SUNDAY: New Year New Everything

Behold the new cover to my Cantonese teaching video Cantonese – The Movie! I’m just waiting for my web guy to change the covers that are there now (for you can click on them and →

Reasons To Learn Cantonese

Behold one of my students, 五天 (- M Tin, Five Heavens)! He is doing everything right; practising every day, doing language exchange with locals and learning characters. Here he is in the middle of showing →

Screen Grab

No one can call me a Luddite anymore! Only 7,000 years after the invention of the computer I’m doing screen grabbing! I’m looking through my two Cantonese teaching videos Cantonese – The Movie and Going →