Native Canto Speaker Berated For Bad Mando

I never – EVER – thought I’d say this, but I want to say something in defence of the Donald, our chief executive. And that is that I was appalled to read the paper today and see that he had been harangued in Beijing, at that city’s most famous university no less, for speaking bad Mandarin.

That’s right, old Donald had gone all the way up there to give some speeches on stuff like the internationalisation of the renminbi (China’s currency) and all in those mando-brethrens’ own language, er, Mando. Which was jolly decent and good sport-like of him I thought. Give them face by speaking their language and that. Mind you, Donald is prostrating himself so hard in front of the mando-brethren that it’s doubtful if he has any face left after rubbing it so hard in the mud and for so long. Still, good sport.

But what does he get after the speech, in the question and answer-session? Instead of the usual scripted “have Hong Kong people become more patriotic” and “Hong Kong and the mainland are like lips and teeth, right?” the students at the Peking University berate him for speaking crap Mando and not only that, they tell him – tell him! – to start “promoting” (i.e. forcing people to speak) Mando in Hong Kong, so that next time they deign to visit, they’ll be able to (presumably) shop with greater ease.

The bloody nerve! Who the hell do they think they are? I agree that Donald shouldn’t be respected just because he’s a Donald, but he is supposed to be a kind of dignitary visiting the university. It’s just not good form.

And here my hitherto never seen fit of defending Donald ends, because instead of telling those rude fuckers where to get off, he apologised for his bad mandarin!!!!, promising to try harder etc.

So brace yourself, people. The edict has come from on high and there’ll be a renewed putsch for mando like you’ve never seen. 7 eleven workers will greet you with binty shrieks of Ni Hao and Xie Xie. Mark my words. Donald will be seen even less in public; now he’ll be working on his mando six and a half days a week instead of the normal five.

And people scoff at me when I say Mando is an imperialist language?

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