Cantonese, Beauty, Great Food … all a short bus ride away

Why fiddle around with airport security, hours in taxis to and from airports, being in a place with only other tourists and leaving gigantic carbon footprints every time you go even on a weekend trip when wonderful Guangdong province is right on your doorstep? That’s what I ask.

Yeah, give me small town China any day. These little towns with their beautiful countryside and surreal and enchanting sights wherever you turn, unsophisticated but easily accessible, beat the shit out of boring old Boracay and tedious Thailand.

We just jumped off the bus as soon as we spotted some scraggy crags, and suddenly we’re in this old village hall where nothing has been touched since probably the 50’s, because there were inscriptions praising Chairman Mao all over the walls.

Some local children took us to their school to go to the toilet, and also made someone open the local shop so we could buy some water.

It was refreshing to see one Chinese school at least completely empty of kids on a Saturday; normally they slave their arses off every day of the week and especially in the school holidays.

Right outside the school gates was a China Drool:

The weather was beautiful, the air fresh, the crags scraggy, the hovelage, needless to say, superb with good incident of Decorative Laundry: yes, what’s not to love? And everywhere we were welcomed by inquisitive locals. These were the only sceptical ones:

but some people just don’t like cameras, do they. Especially when they’re 98 and deaf! Still curious about Whitey though.

And I suppose not every whitey who visits that village puts on pig’s ears and snouts, and proceed to play on the railway line.
(Yes we were shooting a film.)

Guangdong – criminally overlooked! but now you can go into these little tucked-away places without any hassle at all. I’ll deal with all the arrangements and you won’t have to worry about language problems, food misunderstandings, being cheated or, well, anything! Don’t believe what “they” say about China. I’ve been exploring it for 20 years and I can tell you: It’s a constant, never-ending blast. Join my China Tours for some high-grade surrealism, adventure and fun! And the best food. So much better than Hong Kong.

FINALLY!!!!

Ohhh this has been a long time coming! I didn’t realise how much I’d been missing Naked Cantonese and ah-Sa (mine co-host of yore) before I started to make podcasts – properly – again only →

Finally Lantau Becomes Modern

Recently we Lantau residents have been bombarded with information about how our lives will be so infinitely better; first with the mega-incinerator with its “no emissions” and now with another 1 million people in the →

Last Word About the Worst Flu Ever.

Have you had it? Who hasn’t? Shitty province. But I kind of love it!

Most of my live Cantonese sessions are done in the venerable Honolulu Coffee and Cake Shop, one of the last proper cha chanteng in Central. The last venue (see film above), whose name I can’t →

In the column below I bemoan the fact that my first Inner Guangdong town, (where I coined the phrase ‘hovelage’ – excellent traditional Chinese architecture made to last but a little careworn) has become a →

Ever since my friend suggested I should teach Mandarin (NEVER!!! Down with simplified characters and cultural imperialism!) new Cantonese students have been pouring in. There was something about making a decision, having a goal in →

Are you a woman? Caucasian or Caucasian with benefits? Do you live in Hong Kong? Then you may have referred to yourself at some point as “Gwailou”. Guess what, you’re not. Only men can be →

The mainland is all well and good, in fact better than well and certainly better than good, but there other countries around here. Japan for example. Not that this tiny island that’s much closer to →

This week my first specialised crash course kicked off, with two excellent and fast learners, working titles ah-Lei and ah-Ga. In only two and a half hours, they learnt enough Cantonese to go into any →

Chinese characters (normal, not simplified) are beautiful, aren’t they? Even ordinary words like ‘toilet’ look somehow elevated to a higher sphere when they’re written with a brush, or printed for that matter. Not that the →

Chinese is only for Chinese

Learn Cantonese Through the Medium of Cards

I started learning Cantonese back in the mid-90s. Every morning I would take the 07:00 ferry to work and play cards with the swearing workers. I realised this was the best and fastest way to learn Cantonese – just cut out about 99% of the advice of sexual intercourse with people’s mothers.