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Last HAVE! For now
I just thought I’d get in some product placement before lunchtime!
To which you’d probably respond: 你有冇攪錯呀！(Lei yau mou gaau cho ah – you must be joking!)
That’s right, there is no ‘have’ or ‘not have’ in the English translation. In the last two articles I have showed that English and Cantonese have nothing in common, so I advise you to put the two languages in two different folders in your brain, or brain buckets as I call them, and put a big lid on the buckets so the English doesn’t get into the Cantonese.
Or you can store the words and sentences in different brain barrels.
The point is, Cantonese is so far from English, I can’t think of any two things that are further apart. Oh, maybe Pluto and… a planet that’s several light years from Pluto.
But when it comes to 有冇, there is one way in which Cantonese is if not identical so at least similar to English. It’s when you want to ask questions about something that happened in the past. Not past tense, you understand! There are no tenses as such in Chinese. No, when I say ‘the past’ I mean, before this moment. For example, the scourge of some of my students, yet the joy of others: 你有冇去過南非呀？(lei yau mou heui go Lam Fei ah? – You have/haven’t go [in the] past [to] South Africa? Have you ever been to South Africa?)
You see? Just like English. But the rest of the time – no. And the real trouble starts when people (my students) discover that 有 (yau -have) means there is/are in English. Example: 南非有冇袋鼠呀？ (Lam Fei yau mou doi syu ah? – South Africa have/haven’t pocket mouse ah? Are there kangaroos in South Africa?) as I memorably asked one of my students the other day, knowing full well the answer would be no! I mean 冇！(mou – haven’t! There aren’t!)
If you want to know more about the wonderful worlds of geography and biology in Cantonese, sign up for a quick summer course.
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Going Native
You have watched Cantonese – The Movie and feel more confident about your Canto. Now it's time to crank up the action! Going Native takes you from beginner to intermediate level – again without really trying!
Warning: Contains full frontal nudity.
Cantonese – The Movie
“DID YOU KNOW THAT Cantonese has no word for YES or NO?
But… but how can this be? you're probably thinking. Without yes and no, how can you answer Yes/No questions? It's easy! Just download Cantonese – The Movie and all will be explained.
Chillies! Sichuan food made easy
Everyone who has working tastebuds will surely agree that Sichuan food is the best of all food, not only in China but in the world. Sadly, many restaurants call themselves Sichuan without being the real thing. So why not avoid disappointment by learning to cook it for yourself? It's easy!
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Taxing, Vexing Taxis
As any newcomer to Hong Kong trying to get a handle on the local language can attest to, taxi drivers are excellent language teachers. At the same time, they can also get very angry if you try to address them in their own language.
What? Angry? Yes, it’s true. I’ve experienced it myself many times. I jump in a taxi: “銅鑼灣，宜家傢俬呀，唔該" (Tong Lo Wan, Yiga Gasi ah, m goi) (Causeway Bay, IKEA please)
Driver: “You mean is the Causee-wai Bay?”
Me: "我話銅鑼灣，宜家傢俬呀，唔該”
Driver: “You lo leed say the Cang Tong leesee! I can say the Ying Lishee!”
He acts as if I have hurt him deeply and personally. How dare I speak the local language in the town I have lived in for 26 years?
You know what they say: Life is too short. Whenever I encounter a taxi driver who gets really angry that I don’t speak to him in the tongue of a foreign country, I pretend not to speak English until he breaks down and speaks Cantonese. Or I just get out of the car. Okay, so that’s only happened twice. But both times the next taxi had a delightful driver who immediately started a discussion about how crap the Hong Kong Government is and how the British should come back. The discussions consisted of them talking and me nodding and going "係呀， 係呀, 啱啦!” (Hai ah hai ah, ahm la! (Sure, sure, you’re right!))
Yes, yes, in case you’re wondering, I paid the flag fall both times, although they strictly didn’t deserve it…
Don’t forget, you’re the customer! Don’t deal with people who don’t want to deal with you!
P.S.
You can now study Cantonese with me all over the world, using the wonderful technology of Skype.
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Booooooze
A highlight of my recent trip to the USA was visiting a bourbon distillery. A lowlight, or, shall we say, nadir, was getting drunk on bourbon the week before. It was so good to see my dear, dear friends E and K. Unfortunately K is such a dab hand at making Old-Fashioned (a bourbon based cocktail) that I drank down three on an empty stomach.
The rest is un-history, for I certainly hope it wasn’t recorded.
The next day I felt like shit that had been hopped upon by elephants wearing high heels. My only comfort was it could have been worse. I could have been drinking baijiu.
Baijiu is the one mandarin word I don’t want to say in Cantonese because to me, 白酒 (baak jau – white wine) in Cantonese, is just that, white wine. Sauvignon Blanc and so on. Whereas 白酒 (bai jiu – “white” “wine”) is death, the vilest concoction known to man with a hangover so fierce I’m sure at least 40% of all suicides in the mainland (of men in a certain age group, let’s say 15 to 95) are committed during baijiu induced hangovers.
You have been warned.
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Write About Your Experiences
Wei, students and others: I work day and night to make Cantonese a world language. You are my tools for accomplishing this. I would like to hear about your experiences using Cantonese in your daily →
A terrible happening from ah-Mok’s past
A terrible happening from ah-Mok’s past comes back to haunt him. See episode 22 first!
New Cantonese Video
Wei hey all you groovy Canto-learners out there. Check out “Return Of The Cantonese Fundamentalists.” We put the fun back in mental!
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