Philadelphia Offers Freedom From Mando

So this plan of mine to eat my way through all the Chinese restaurants in the USA is kind of almost working out. A little. I think I'll be able to do about 90%, including rest stops. (I'm on a Land Rover road trip!!!!) The funny thing is that before I left, I was warned off this plan by many Americans. "It's awful, not at all like in Hong Kong!" "You'll get super fat and die!" "You'll puke yourself to death!" etc.

The truth is of course that the US is full of Chinese cooking Chinese food for other Chinese and themselves. My well-meaning friends were picturing me having Chinese buffet dinners in shitholes, instead of just ordering what I want from waiters) The food so far has been perfectly acceptable; certainly every bit as edible as Canto-food (which I find bland and really suitable for babies). The definite highlight of the Chinese culinary extravaganza so far was the Lau Tsin something restaurant in Philadelphia, and it was even yam cha. Excellent! Succulent! Enormous prawns! Everybody spoke Cantonese!!! And the owner, I realised after looking for a while at the Cantonese opera videos rolling across the many TV screens suspended around the screechingly red and gold room, was in fact the star of the videos!

We got on like a house on fire, and I forgot I wasn't in Hong Kong to the extent that I didn't give them a 200% or whatever tip.

Ouch! My two friends were mortified. But really - I was fresh off the boat, innit! However, I should have known this wasn't Hong Kong or any other Chinese place when I saw Chinese people eating from plates instead of bowls.

Earlier in the day we had been shooting the latest Cantonese - The Movie installment near the Liberty Bell, or Freedom Clock as I call it. There was a huge Falun Gong banner there with some followers kneeling on the grass, meditating. Two mainland women were standing chatting nearby. Mr. Public Security Uncle went up to them, sternly pointing out (in Mando, natch) that where they were standing was not a designated standing area. They both looked a bit stunned. "Oh, here isn't allowed? Oh, all right" I tell you, you can take a mainlander out of the mainland! Etc! So this is how to keep them in check: Speak harshly and carry a big moustache.

Paraguas (Umbrella)

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! This is even better than I had envisaged. It feels indescribably good to walk on cobblestoned streets knowing that the same houses were here 200 years ago. I can’t remember the →

Do Yourself A Favour, Go To The Dentist!

I’m so afraid of the dentist, I go every four months. That sounds like a contradiction and a half, but it’s true. Going every four months gives me peace of mind and no cavities. (Also, →

HSBC Service Improving Every Day

Where are these people going? Could they be going to the headquarters of venerable bank HSBC, you know, The World’s Local Bank that you can only access if you live in China or Hong Kong →

Red Tide And Dragging Editing

Ahhrghhh! I normally love making and editing films but this one from Hainan Island is dragging. Is it because I made it a long time ago and it’s no longer fresh? Or is it because →

Ahhhrghhhh! So Sorry Sorry Sorry I Haven’t Said This Before!

Well, I haven’t not said it before but only to a handful of people: if you’re a student of mine studying at the hallowed halls of Honolulu or just want to go to legendary Honolulu →

Learn Cantonese Free! Wanted: Partner In Crime For Podcasts

Wei wei wei, do you remember Naked Cantonese on RTHK? I do. Oh, happy times with ah-Sa! The laughter, the tears! We travelled to public toilets and other wonderful places; one one weird occasion we →

SUNDAY: Lay Down My Weary, Oily Load

Last night I cooked for eight people, Sichuan food naturally. Now I’ve got the mother of all washings-up to grapple with. Cooking for eight people is three days’ work altogether and the dish-washing is pretty →

Who Speaks More English, Hong Kong People Or Belgian People?

Here’s one of my students, let’s call him X, taking the gun off some local on one of our outings to southern China. He’s been studying for a while now and has always done very →

It’s Beer O’Clock But Where Is The Good Beer?

I’m running a series on Facebook called Beer Is Beautiful, largely featuring this woman and her associates. And other people I know. The other day I tried ‘beer is beautiful’ in Cantonese in Honolulu Coffee →

Completely Lost In A Strange City Without Knowing A Word Of The Language

This is the very first photo I had taken of myself in China (a Chelfie?) in 1988. It was in the then famous silk market, no doubt demolished now, and the guy was probably some →

Cantonese and English: The Twain Shall Never Meet so Just Accept It

“Oh sorry, I’m so sorry” this woman is probably not saying. Naw, she’s just serving me some excellent Sichuan food, probably. Anyway, I can’t begin to think how weird it must be for the people →

Neighbour In The Middle of Nowhere

It was cold, foggy and not without drizzle, yet we were glad to be up so early and by ourselves at this Trollveggen that I had heard so much about but never visited. It looked →

Long Live Cantonese

There’s a big hullabaloo in the South China Morning Post this week. Historian Jason Wordie wrote about the so-called Third Culture Kids (born in one country, moved to Hong Kong, sent to boarding school in →

Taxing, Vexing Taxis

As any newcomer to Hong Kong trying to get a handle on the local language can attest to, taxi drivers are excellent language teachers. At the same time, they can also get very angry if →

Local Uncle Writes Own Language Wrong!!!!!

I have just (“just” meaning three weeks ago) come back from Norway, and while I was there I sent various postcards, among them to an uncle in my village. What, your uncle lives in your →

Change

I needed an excuse to publish this photo. It was taken in Shenzhen (naturally) in what used to be an excellent little forest just across the square from the train station but which is now →

New Music Video

Ah, young love. It is splendid. ‘taller than’ is 高過 (gou go) whereas just ‘taller’ is 高啲 (gou di)。Could it be any easier?

Incinerator in English

This has nothing to do with Cantonese… but it kind of does. Because: When that 1972-technilogy behemoth starts spewing out its particles of 3,000 tonnes a day of burning rubbish wholesale, a lot of the →

New Cantonese Music Video … Coming!

We had a brilliant day on Sunday, venturing into the wilderness, sacrificing our safety (there were insects and a dead fish) so that YOU will more easily learn Cantonese, the language that sounds like two →

We Are Flogging, We Are Flogging ….

So I have this book, right? Don’t Joke On The Stairs. The title is based on a sign I saw in Gansu once, in the staircase of a language school. “Avoid the exchange of jokes →