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Local Uncle Writes Own Language Wrong!!!!!

I have just (“just” meaning three weeks ago) come back from Norway, and while I was there I sent various postcards, among them to an uncle in my village. What, your uncle lives in your village in Hong Kong?!? you ask. No, in Cantonese any old geezer can be your uncle. (亞叔, ah-Suk or, if really old, 亞伯, ah-Bak.)

This particular ah-Suk had a stroke years and years ago and can’t speak, only quack and groan. I still mostly understand what he says because when we’re chatting I go into a kind of trance, and he laughs at everything I say although he’s getting quite deaf. Perfect conversations. Anyway, I sent him a postcard from the most touristy fjord, writing “You’ll never guess where I am!” （你估唔到我0係邊度!）signed Miss Gam （甘小姐).

When I got home, I found the uncle very excited about the postcard. When I asked him where he guessed I have been, he wrote something with his finger in the palm of his hand. Hmmmm… it didn’t look much like ‘Norway’ （挪威, Lo Wai）but then his writing skills have also been severely harmed by that damned stroke. What he “wrote” could, in fact, be anything.

The next time I went to his shop, he handed me this note that he had written:

Awwww! Small wonder I hadn’t been able to decipher his finger-writing. He had written the 挪 in 挪威 as 羅 (also Lo but means Net and is his surname and the name of my village), and using the simplified character at that. (Yeah, he’s from Hainan.) Same sound!

In the note it says, among thanking me profusely: “Is Lo Wai a city? How long does it take to get there? Do you have to change planes?” Awwwwww! So sweet!

People, always write postcards and letters. They are so much appreciated these days.

P.S.
I’m running crash courses in
Dim Sum
Market Shopping
Having Clothes Made in Shenzhen
and Reading Chinese Menus and Other Characters

all summer!

10 Reasons To Learn Cantonese

Happy Jellyfish People’s Democratic Language Bureau: The only Cantonese course in town where the tea cups match your outfit

Why learn Cantonese?

1. It’s FUN!

2. It’s the local language of Hong Kong and it’s good form to learn the language in the place where you live, rather than insist on locals speaking your language

3. It feels good to have mastered something that is generally seen as extremely difficult (no need to tell them it isn’t)

4. It’s great for the brain, staves off Alzheimer’s

5. It’s fantastic for the ego, because everybody will tell you without stop how intelligent and great you are

6. It will teach you a lot about Chinese culture and thinking in general and Hong Kong culture in particular

7. It will make your everyday life in Hong Kong much easier and improve your relationship with your Chinese neighbours and colleagues

8. It will make you stand out among your foreign peers as the only foreigner

9. It works as a magic card; opens all doors and no one will cheat you

10. It pisses off the mainland government no end

Please tell me if you can think of any other reasons. Suggestions welcome; the winner gets a Moontrekker sports shirt in a breathable material.

咩呀？ Wot?

This is one of the reasons why I love Cantonese: 咩! (Meeh, wot? or what kind of…)

My theory: It started out as 乜嘢 (mat yeh, what thing. As in: 你飲乜嘢呀？Lei yam mat yeh ah? You drink what thing ah – what are you drinking?). A good Cantonese expression that Mandohooligans can’t understand, in speech or writing. And then (again this is my theory but I think a good’n:) it slowly compressed into one word: Meh (咩）taking the beginning from the mat and the end from the yeh.

And then MEH took on its own life, meaning ‘what kind of’ as in 你飲咩啤酒呀? (Lei yam meh beh jau ah? You drink what kind of beer?) But it created a conundrum. How to write it? Normally in Cantonese if a word doesn’t have its own character you just take a word that sounds identical or similar and slap a ‘mouth’ character (口）on it. Like 呀 (ah) that comes from the word 牙 (tooth). But there is no ‘meh’ sound in Cantonese. What did they do? Wrote it as ‘the sound of a goat’! (Or sheep.) 咩(meeeeeeh!) Goat falling off a mountain!

By the way, the above photo was taken on an excellent day in Inner Mongolia, hitch-hiking through the wilderness.

喂！ 你搵乜嘢呀！ (Wei! Lei wan mat yeh ah? Hey! What are you looking for?)