Only Whitey Can Be Racist

I have in my hand (and when I say hand I mean computer screen) an extraordinary document entitled “Tool: Recognizing Microaggressions and the Messages They Send”.

Reading through the list, I’m damned glad to be your common or garden white oppressor and not some “person of color” as is frequently mentioned in the document. Yes color without the u, because it is of course an American document, issued by the UCLA. So, what are “microaggressions”? you may wonder.

“Microaggressions are the everyday verbal, nonverbal, and environmental slights, snubs, or insults, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative messages to target persons based solely upon their marginalized group membership.” it says in the introduction. Unintentional too, eh? Makes living in the US rather a minefield, what?

But only if you’re white, fortunately. As we all know, only white people have ever been and can ever be racist. Everybody else is just getting their own back or following their culture. I’m glad, because otherwise I might start feeling I was being slighted, snubbed, and, yes, insulted, pretty much every single day in verbal and non-verbal ways. Don’t know about “environmental slights” though. I’ll leave that to trees for the time being.

The document kicks off with the ultimate insult: “Where are you from.” OR “where were you born.” Yes, I do realise it must be irritating for a person of colour (Racist! Isn’t ‘beige’ a colour?), American born and bred, to be asked where they’re from, but a quick “Kansas City, Missouri. How about you?” should quickly put paid to it, one would think.

When Chinese people ask me where I’m from and I say “Hong Kong” they say “no,” and then start arguing, some quite angrily. Being a white oppressor, I rather enjoy the arguments. Good thing I don’t have a colour otherwise I might see their comments as hostile or derogatory.

Insult 2: “You speak English very well.” Again, an unbearable slight from which it must be hard to recover – if you are of colour, that is. As a whitey, I am slowed down for minutes every day while people applaud or roll on the floor laughing because I can say “hello” in the local language after studying it for 25 years.

Today I was in a shop in Mui Wo talking to a appliance-monger about an electric kettle. When I left, I almost missed the ferry because two women stood outside the shop blocking my way, gaping, staring and applauding, wanting me to speak Cantonese to them while standing up at the same time.

I’ll get back to this tomorrow. Now I have to go to work teaching Cantonese, a job, locals tell me incessantly, I “can’t do because I’m not Chinese”. Wonder what UCLA would say about that!