New Feature: Guerrilla Cantonese!!!!

Do you want to learn some survival or day-to-day Cantonese but can’t commit to  regular, weekly sessions because you’re just too damn busy or simply can’t be arsed?

Guerrilla Cantonese may be the answer for you. Guerrilla means: We go in, kill everybody, and leave. Metaphorically, of course. 

The most popular and probably most useful Guerrilla Cantonese is the Kowloon Canto Crawl.

In it, we meet somewhere in Central (for example in the Honolulu restaurant in Stanley street) for a couple of hours’ quick introduction to the ins and outs of ordering drinks in bars, as well as some survival taxi phrases.

We then leap into waiting (or cruising) taxis and head over to Jordan/Yau Ma Tei/Mong Kok (which is actually pronounced “Wong Gok”) or Prince Edward (“Tai Jee”) for a night of practice.  

“A pint of Carlsberg, please, and make it snappy” “How much is it” “You must be joking*” and “All right, I’ll have another one” will soon be rolling off your tongue, and you’ll be rolling off your chair. In the bars you will learn How to play Liar’s Dice in Cantonese and also Chinese Poker, if you’re interested. Cantonese has never looked so easy!

*But you’ll be glad to know that prices in Kowloon are often only 50% of those in for example Lan Kwai Fong

Other two-to three hour, one-off courses, all with the emphasis of trying as much as possible to include locals:

Yam Cha* Guerrilla Cantonese

Learn how to say your favourite dim sum (*”yam cha” – drink tea – means going out for dim sum) dishes in Cantonese, how to order from the accommodating (I trained them) staff, ask for the bill and recognise some frequently occurring Chinese characters from the menu.

Market Cantonese

We spend three hours in the morning working our way through a list of vegetables, fruit and meat, and then descend on the market buying up all they have.

Taxi Cantonese

You learn your address and the addresses of places you frequently … frequent, and then we spend some time travelling to those places. You get to know the real meaning behind the weird sounds (Did you know that the Chinese word for Stanley is actually “red post”? That “Shenzhen” means “deep drain?” and that “Mong Kok” (Wong Gok) means “Prosperous Corner,” not “busy corner”?

I teach you how to make the taxi driver realise that although you look like a foreigner, you can actually speak Cantonese, so there’s no need for him/her to use English. Yes, one of the reasons why so many foreigners can’t speak Cantonese is that locals always talk back to you in English is that they only see your face and don’t hear what’s coming out of your mouth, assuming that although you may be speaking flawless Cantonese, they think it’s actually their English which has miraculously improved overnight.

I teach you how to overcome these obstacles and more! After all, I’ve been forcing locals to speak the local language with me for more than 15 years. 

Outing Cantonese

We learn outing words, then go on outings talking to the Outing-ians

Your Particular Needs Cantonese

A short course tailor-made for you, about anything you want.

Yeah! Happy Jellyfish People’s Democratic Language Bureau.  We cater to your needs.

You’re probably wondering how much (little) this costs? Less than a meal in your normal, upmarket restaurant, that’s for sure. But please send me a request with the number of friends you want to have fun learning Cantonese with, and I’ll tell you exactly how little it will set you back.

One thing’s for sure, only two to three hours of my intensive course will set you up for life.