I have to say this sign gave me a start when I first read it. What, I could no longer add money to my Octopus card at Mui Wo ferry pier? That would be quite inconvenient. Then I read it again, and then, still confused, I finally read the Chinese characters, which state quite clearly: When adding money to your Octopus or monthly card, don’t hand the card over to ferry pier staff while [the card is] still in the wallet. Thank you for your co-operation.
Which is also, from a western linguistic point of view, still quite a clumsy way to express it, but seeing this is First Ferry who needs ten minutes every day to tell people who have taken the ferry twice a day for 20 years not to occupy other people’s seats, I suppose it’s quite terse and to the point.
And this is just one of the many reasons why I encourage my students/victims and people in general: Learn Chinese characters! They really make life so much easier. I do regular two-hour crash courses in how to look up characters in the dictionary (piece of cake, naturally) and how to write characters by hand and as text message. You’ll laugh! You’ll … laugh again! when you see how easy it is.
Do you want to learn some survival or day-to-day Cantonese but can’t commit to regular, weekly sessions because you’re just too damn busy or simply can’t be arsed?
Guerrilla Cantonese may be the answer for you. Guerrilla means: We go in, kill everybody, and leave. Metaphorically, of course.
The most popular and probably most useful Guerrilla Cantonese is the Kowloon Canto Crawl.
In it, we meet somewhere in Central (for example in the Honolulu restaurant in Stanley street) for a couple of hours’ quick introduction to the ins and outs of ordering drinks in bars, as well as some survival taxi phrases.
We then leap into waiting (or cruising) taxis and head over to Jordan/Yau Ma Tei/Mong Kok (which is actually pronounced “Wong Gok”) or Prince Edward (“Tai Jee”) for a night of practice.
“A pint of Carlsberg, please, and make it snappy” “How much is it” “You must be joking*” and “All right, I’ll have another one” will soon be rolling off your tongue, and you’ll be rolling off your chair. In the bars you will learn How to play Liar’s Dice in Cantonese and also Chinese Poker, if you’re interested. Cantonese has never looked so easy!
*But you’ll be glad to know that prices in Kowloon are often only 50% of those in for example Lan Kwai Fong
Other two-to three hour, one-off courses, all with the emphasis of trying as much as possible to include locals:
Yam Cha* Guerrilla Cantonese
Learn how to say your favourite dim sum (*”yam cha” – drink tea – means going out for dim sum) dishes in Cantonese, how to order from the accommodating (I trained them) staff, ask for the bill and recognise some frequently occurring Chinese characters from the menu.
Market Cantonese
We spend three hours in the morning working our way through a list of vegetables, fruit and meat, and then descend on the market buying up all they have.
Taxi Cantonese
You learn your address and the addresses of places you frequently … frequent, and then we spend some time travelling to those places. You get to know the real meaning behind the weird sounds (Did you know that the Chinese word for Stanley is actually “red post”? That “Shenzhen” means “deep drain?” and that “Mong Kok” (Wong Gok) means “Prosperous Corner,” not “busy corner”?
I teach you how to make the taxi driver realise that although you look like a foreigner, you can actually speak Cantonese, so there’s no need for him/her to use English. Yes, one of the reasons why so many foreigners can’t speak Cantonese is that locals always talk back to you in English is that they only see your face and don’t hear what’s coming out of your mouth, assuming that although you may be speaking flawless Cantonese, they think it’s actually their English which has miraculously improved overnight.
I teach you how to overcome these obstacles and more! After all, I’ve been forcing locals to speak the local language with me for more than 15 years.
Outing Cantonese
We learn outing words, then go on outings talking to the Outing-ians
Your Particular Needs Cantonese
A short course tailor-made for you, about anything you want.
Yeah! Happy Jellyfish People’s Democratic Language Bureau. We cater to your needs.
You’re probably wondering how much (little) this costs? Less than a meal in your normal, upmarket restaurant, that’s for sure. But please send me a request with the number of friends you want to have fun learning Cantonese with, and I’ll tell you exactly how little it will set you back.
One thing’s for sure, only two to three hours of my intensive course will set you up for life.
The shooting of new, from-scratch Cantonese course CantoNews continues. This time we went to a thrilling location, the luscious OYC Hotel in 肇慶 (Siu Heng) in Guangdong province, a mere four hours’ comfortable train journey from Hong Hom.
I had with me three good actors who speak good Cantonese so shooting was a breeze.
As a bonus we also found some excellent opulent chairs. I have somehow made Opulent Chair Sitting one of my hobbies, but they’re almost impossible to find in Hong Kong.
The trip concluded in a trip to an excellent market where a good Cantonese was had by all.
See yesterday’s posting for details about how to learn market shopping and have an excellent time while doing it – needless to say it’s right here at Happy Jellyfish People’s Democratic Language Bureau!
紅磡 – Hong Ham (Red Cliff/Hunghom)
火車站 – Fo che jaam (Train station)
街市 – Gai si (Market)
Have you had it? Who hasn’t? Shitty province. But I kind of love it!
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