… when one of my victims spake up. I was just sitting around writing a blog entry the other day when: Wallop! Kristian, who’s currently in Norway working on the Norwegian Coastal Express (Hurtigruta) and who has been studying business economics in Hong Kong for a year, popped up in my gmail chat window.
“You should tell people what they are going to be talking about in any given lesson. People like to feel safe, knowing what’s going to happen.”
I realised he was right. I’ve been too solipsistic in my dealings with students; basing my lessons on what I would have liked to learn if I were a victim (student) learning Cantonese…
When I first started teaching Cantonese, I thought everybody would be like me; that they, armed with some new words of this wonderful language, would immediately rush out, gagging to practise what they’d learnt on any innocent passer-by. Then I realised that not everybody is like me.
People! remember this: Most problems in this world originate from one thing and one thing only: People being under the insane illusion that other people think exactly the same way as they themselves do.
This epiphany had actually happened (struck me) years ago when I was teaching “corporate” (yeah right) Cantonese to some Swiss people. “We want drills!” they complained, after I had taken them to several bars, expecting them to practise their newly acquired Cantonese on bar people and customers. After all, that was how I had learnt it.
“We want drills!” “We want exercises!” All right, so I made drills and exercises. They loved it. So, after a few sessions of drills, which they loved, praising me for making it seem so easy, I naturally said: “Now you can go out and communicate with Chinese people!
And did they? Hell, no. What they wanted was to sit in a room, a corporate meeting room in fact, 37 floors above street level, doing drills. When faced with a REAL Chinese person, they immediately slipped into much more comfortable (for them) English.
Since then, I’ve been making drill follow-ups to every “practical Cantonese as spoken in markets, taxis, bars and restaurants” with the same result. “We love these drills! Give us more drills!” only to see students (victims) right in front of my face, turning around to the lowliest non English-speaking waiter in the cheapest cha chanteng, saying (in English) Could I possibly trouble you for a cup of milk tea … old chap? (Okay. Not “old chap.” But you get my drift.)
They are my customers so I must do what they want. And what hundreds of my customers have wanted is this: “Is there a CD-rom or DVD I could buy to learn Cantonese?” So many people said that that I was compelled to make the DVD they had been clamouring for: Cantonese – The Movie.
Do you think they bought it? Some did. But do you think they watched it? No.
“We need real, live lessons to force us to learn Cantonese” was the cry after they had bought and not watched the DVD.
So I’m back at the famous 第一號方。 Number One Square.
When I, this week, tried to implement Kristian’s idea of telling people what was going to happen in the lesson, however, it was met with great applause. So he was right. And I will do that from now on.
He then went on to say I should “write a textbook in Cantonese.” Fine. Maybe I will do that too. But I must mention here that I’ve already written about 700 pages of Cantonese learning material. Anyone who signs up for my Canto-course gets these pages sent by email; we talk about what’s in the text, analyse it, then go on to – practical use.
That’s right: using what you’ve learnt on Chinese people.
No?
You see, people, as much as I agree on following a plan, having some kind of discipline in the learning environment and doing millions of drills: As long as you’re not willing to take things to the next and natural level, which is “Actually talking to Chinese people in their own language, ” it doesn’t matter how marvellous my or anyone else’s course is.
Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, in your life you’ve learnt so far, you’ve learnt by DOING. Whether it’s swimming, driving or knitting; it doesn’t matter how many millions of books you’ve read on the subject. Only one thing will catapult you from knowing hundreds, thousands or millions of facts about that subject and actually knowing it, and that’s DOING.
All right, so I will write the Cantonese textbook. The bet is on! But then I also have the right to expect, next time one of the readers of that textbook is faced with a normal Chinese in a normal setting, for example being in a restaurant, ordering a cup of tea, that he or she will order that particular cup of tea IN CHINESE.
Is that too much to ask?
This morning, as most mornings, I went to the beach with my trusty dogs Koldbrann and Lasi. It was raining vigorously, a phenomenon not uncommon in Hong Kong and southern China. Rain is water, water is wet, and combined with a very smooth surface, water can make that surface ultra-smooth! I knew that. I’ve known it for years. But that didn’t stop me from almost falling on my nose as I walked on the tiles helpfully put down (by the Leisure department?) to lead people from the beach to the barbecue area and the tents.
The thing is, those tiles down by Pui O Beach are so sneaky. Many of them have a rough surface, as anyone laying tiles on the ground in a place where it rains a lot would think natural. But then there are these tiles in between them that are so smooth they should be on a bathroom wall, high up just in case. If you get even 1/5 of your shoe’s undersurface on one of these, you’re done for.
Why, HK government? Why why why the slippery tiles? Why?
Still, they have nothing on this particular museum, or tomb or whatever, in Guangzhou. I didn’t have the space to mention it in the column, but the areas between the various tombs and shard-holding houses were all tiled, with tiles so slippery it took us 15 minutes to traverse a 30-second staircase in the aftermath of the torrential. If I hadn’t hated that place before (which I did), I certainly did now, when every step brought the promise of certain death or disfigurement. Why do these planners do this? Why? Why? Do they stand in windows and laugh as people go arse over tit?
沙灘 (Sa taan – beach)
滑 (wat – slippery/slide)
好X滑 (hou eksi wat – damn slippery)
跌 (Dit – fall, drop)
跌落嚟 (Dit lok lei – fall down)
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“DID YOU KNOW THAT Cantonese has no word for YES or NO?
But… but how can this be? you're probably thinking. Without yes and no, how can you answer Yes/No questions? It's easy! Just download Cantonese – The Movie and all will be explained.
Now you can own both Cantonese – The Movie and Going Native in this special bundle. Take your Cantonese from complete beginner to an intermediate level without even trying! Let Happy Jellyfish Language Bureau take you on an adventure through all things Canto with some interesting places and characters thrown in along the way.
Cecilie visits China and looks at the fun side of life. More information soon.
Cecilie eats her way across Americas Chinese restaurants speaking only Cantonese. If the staff don’t speak Cantonese then she leaves….unless she is really hungry.
