Last week one of my students was almost … not close to tears exactly but … what’s the word? Oh yeah, ready to use a blunt weapon.
She had tried to get money out of a Citibank ATM （㩒錢 gam chin, ‘punch money’) but found it only containing RMB. Kind as she is, she took the trouble to walk into the bank and tell a clerk that the machine was out of HK$. Blank stare. She took the guy outside the bank, pointed to the ATM machine and said “呢度冇港幣喎" （lidou mou gong bai woh – ‘there isn’t any HK currency here’)
Pretty straight forward you’d think – the guy was a bank clerk, he had heard about various currencies, had been told about the nature of ATM machines – but nothing. After she had said it the third time he pointed wordlessly to the machine: “Please press here for English.”
Yes, it’s funny now, as comedy is tragedy plus time! But it’s not funny when you’re paying for Cantonese lessons, trying daily to communicate with people, only to get slapped in the face, spat on and having the truck backing up and driving over you a second time.
“Cantonese isn’t ‘too difficult for whitey to speak’ it’s too damned difficult for Hong Kong people to understand!” my student remarked bitterly. Ha ha, yes, keep that thought, people!
It’s not you, it’s them.
It’s also extremely important that you show your colours, letting them know that it is Cantonese, their own native language, that you’re about to speak. My guess about the bank guy was that his brain crashed and burnt. “What what what she’s white she’s saying something is it English it must be English no it’s not what is it can it be French help me I can’t run away now” …something along those lines.
Sometimes when faced with people who can’t imagine that what I’m saying could possibly be their own language (it’s to absurd to even fathom) I say “我講緊廣東話喎" （O gong gan gongdungwah woh! ‘I’m speaking Cantonese, hello!’ and then they switch to that, usually with great relief.
Whatever you do, don’t give up! One day you’ll have revenge!
Today: Switzerland 瑞士 Soi si
Oh, Australia! Even yam cha is great there. Normally no one can quite get it right outside China (my experience consists only of Norway, the USA and Australia though) but in Australia they’ve got it →
“OK, we’ll have to write Seafood and Hotpot here in English too” “Oh shit! We’re run out of space!” “That’s okay. Just shorten it where you can. No one is going to read it anyway.”
The Uncle is currently in Australia, shooting a new film about the rubbish incinerator Hong Kong’s government is planning to build right outside my kitchen window. As usual, he does the bidding of his dear →
I took up the banjo partly to understand what it’s like to learn something new, better to sympathise with my students. Now more than ever I see the importance of practise. I have been practising →
Yesterday was July 1st, what was meant to be a good opportunity for Hong Kong people to worship at the altar of the mainland, thanking its kind government for rescuing us from the slimy claws →
It seems that no one has thought about the deep and intimate connection between the Cantonese language and bluegrass. I wonder why. Well, from now on you’ll be able to groove along to bluegrassy Canto-tunes, →
Easter was wonderful this year. Good weather and a new restaurant opened on Pui O Beach, the beer was flowing and my recording device was working overtime!
石鼓洲焚化爐 (sek gu chau fan fa lou) – Sek Gu Chau Incinerator – is an expression that strikes terror into the heart of Lantau and Cheung Chau dwellers and should actually do the same to →
The other day, one of my Cantonese students said to me (no name; in fact there are depressingly many people who now have the same mindset, which helps the misconception to become true) “Well, it’s all over for Cantonese anyway now. Mandarin will soon take over.”
Really? Is it like some irresistible force of nature, like a tsunami that can’t be stopped? Like a forest fire that can’t be contained?
Of course not. “Mandarin will take over” (I puke just writing the words) is purely political. The mainland government (and, to a certain degree, its people) have decided that Mandarin will take over Hong Kong, and they are doing it in the time-honoured fashion of flooding Hong Kong with mainlanders, instructing headmasters in primary schools that it’s Mando or death a stern reprimand, plus, inexplicably, trying hard the communist way to make Mandarin – the mind boggles – ‘cool’.
There is one very easy way to avoid Mandarin taking over, and that is to speak Cantonese. Everywhere, every day, and with everybody. Hong kong singers should sing in Cantonese, not the ridiculous hybrid “written Chinese with Mando characteristics and Cantonese pronunciation”. Teachers should teach in it and teach it. Then Mandarin can be learnt as a second or third language, for forays into the hinterland.
Those commies don’t have a monopoly on how Chinese should be spoken or written. Spanish, Portuguese, French and Italian live side by side without one of them trying to elbow in and eradicate the others. It’s time Mandarin shut up and went away to its little boring corner with its 100 word vocabulary, all of which is shrrrrr.
Learn Cantonese today! Then it can be you who is conversing freely with locals in their own language, with all the hilarity that ensues. The best way to learn Cantonese is to speak Cantonese, and I can put you on the right track. Wooo hoooo! The world is your lobster! With Cantonese.
國語 – Gok Yu (Mandarin)
共產黨 – Gong Chan Dong (Common Property Party/Communist Party)
西班牙 – Sai Ban A (Spain)
Cecilie visits China and looks at the fun side of life. More information soon.
Now you can own both Cantonese – The Movie and Going Native in this special bundle. Take your Cantonese from complete beginner to an intermediate level without even trying! Let Happy Jellyfish Language Bureau take you on an adventure through all things Canto with some interesting places and characters thrown in along the way.
You have watched Cantonese – The Movie and feel more confident about your Canto. Now it's time to crank up the action! Going Native takes you from beginner to intermediate level – again without really trying!
Warning: Contains full frontal nudity.
Would you like to travel around China but are worried about your Mandarin being not up to scratch (or non-existent)?
Now you can get all the Mandarin words and expressions needed for getting around the Middle Kingdom in this handy video which covers train and bus travel, hotel stay, eating and drinking and other situations you might find yourself in when you, like us, are going to for example Hong Kong to Kazakhstan, by train…
