Articles from the original happyjelyfish.com website

Author’s Plight

酒!

Jau! Wine! As they call it. It’s actually a deadly spirit so vile that it should only be used for paint stripping and permanently disfiguring your enemies.

Strangely, the (mainland) Chinese drink it with abandon. There’s a chapter warning people against it but also suggesting a remedy for the hangover that will inevitably ensue if you as much as look at it, in my new book CHILLies! Sichuan Food Made Easy which I’m just putting the last touches on.

I thought at least I was only down to editing the last few lines, but no. Before I click publish I have to re-cook a dish for the sole reason of re-taking one photo. That dish is normally called 乾煸四季豆(gon bin sei gwai dau – dry-fried four seasons beans) but I have renamed it Bean There, Done That. Why? Because I can! After all, I wrote the damned thing, bought all the ingredients and burnt myself to a cinders during the writing process. Warning: Pickled mustard and fresh prawns will severely harm you before and during cooking.

But yes, while cooking this lovely dish, I inexplicably ran out of chillies in mid-cook! The photo thus ended up looking like this:

with one – one! measly chilli peeping out, embarrassed. A nadir of my cooking career.

I’ll keep you posted about the book. Very posted.

川菜 (chyun choy – Sichuan food)
豆 (dau – beans)
白酒 (baak jau – in the mainland a horrible, vile killer spirit. In Hong Kong, just normal white wine.)

FINALLY!!!!

Ohhh this has been a long time coming! I didn’t realise how much I’d been missing Naked Cantonese and ah-Sa (mine co-host of yore) before I started to make podcasts – properly – again only

Finally Lantau Becomes Modern

Recently we Lantau residents have been bombarded with information about how our lives will be so infinitely better; first with the mega-incinerator with its “no emissions” and now with another 1 million people in the

Morris Lets Norway off Hook

As a Norwegian, I’m more than used to certain nationalities using “Norway” as “the weirdest, most bizarre thing you can think of”, in books, articles and speech. Whenever I say where I’m from, out comes

Last Word About the Worst Flu Ever.

Have you had it? Who hasn’t? Shitty province. But I kind of love it!

Culture Cracks

Most of my live Cantonese sessions are done in the venerable Honolulu Coffee and Cake Shop, one of the last proper cha chanteng in Central. The last venue (see film above), whose name I can’t

Dinner With Supermodels

Saturday night my house was flooded with what at first glance looked like supermodels. 15 young people in their twenties and early thirties stampeded in to have a Sichuan meal, carefully cooked with the finest

Siu Heng! 肇慶

In the column below I bemoan the fact that my first Inner Guangdong town, (where I coined the phrase ‘hovelage’ – excellent traditional Chinese architecture made to last but a little careworn) has become a

Cantonese World Supremacy!

Ever since my friend suggested I should teach Mandarin (NEVER!!! Down with simplified characters and cultural imperialism!) new Cantonese students have been pouring in. There was something about making a decision, having a goal in

WHAT????

Last Friday I was so happy, because I had a trip to Shenzhen all lined up. Probably only a day trip, but still! Shenzhen is Shenzhen. Sichuan food, having some shirts made and foot massage.

I’m a Devil Hag and Proud of it

Are you a woman? Caucasian or Caucasian with benefits? Do you live in Hong Kong? Then you may have referred to yourself at some point as “Gwailou”. Guess what, you’re not. Only men can be

Frightening Mandofication

Working hard on our new film Simply The Worst, a frightening sci-fi look at what happens when the government forces simplified characters on us. So I suddenly remembered the above film about speech-making communist language

Cantonese Advert 1

SUNDAY: I’m Sorry To Say, Chinese and Western Food Cooking Shall Never Meet

Is it racist to say that Chinese people in China aren’t great at making Western food? That is my experience anyway. And that experience is now almost 28 years. Wow! Not that I have eaten

Here’s To Technology Although My Phone Is a Nokia From 2006

Although I may seem like a Luddite with my Nokia and my stubborn insistence of having tangible, physical CDs and DVDs, I actually love technology. The whole internet thing; reaching people all over the world

Breaking: HK Government Official Stuns World With Harebrained Scheme!

This never happens: A former senior town planner with the Hong Kong government has suggested getting rid of a Hong Kong icon! So novel; where do they get these ideas from? This time it’s the

Chinese Stuff: Only For Chinese?

Chillies, chopsticks, even cha are they only Chinese things, meant for Chinese people? I’ve had this conversation hundreds of times in the mainland and in Hong Kong, but I somehow didn’t expect to have it

Beer Then Wine, You’ll Be Fine, Wine Then Beer Makes You Queer

everybody knows that. But how about beer, then wine, (Moet Et Chandon, saved since June 7th, thank you Teng and Lok!) then beer, then more beer and some beer? Queer is not a good

Nipple Alert! (Guangdong Adventure Trips)

四會 (Sei Wui – Four Congregations, small but excellent town in western Guangdong province) 白酒 (Bak jau – White wine, which in Hong Kong actually means white wine, but in the mainland a lethal liquid

SUNDAY – Go Home! 返屋企

Last night I started watching the third season of Orange Is The New Black, an American show about life in a women’s prison. The first two seasons were pretty riveting in a ‘far too many

好忙呀! Busy!

I’m cooking for eight people tonight and I’m really looking forward to it. I will make Beer O’Clock Dumplings, Chicken a la Water Buffalo and Kung Fu Cucumbers, – among other things. Five other things,

Don’t Leave Me!

This morning I had some people from my village coming over for a dose of Cantonese, and since it was raining dog shit (落狗屎 – lok gau si [raining heavily]) we discussed the weather, well,

Our Series Unusual Gifts

In our popular series Unusual Gifts we proudly present Sungflower Fream. What is this sungflower fream, you may ask? Why, it’s of course a notebook! The day my friend Jo gave me this gift, I